yup [entries|friends|calendar] *~Alyssia~* [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

yeahhhhhhhhhh.... DEtriot! [04 Apr 2006|03:41pm] [ mood | rushed ] well here i am again im scared cant really mention why... and you lied it was really weird because I really thought it was gunna be diffrent this time becuase of all that happened before and what you said to me i thought you were for real this time but i dono maybe it just was so you could be with me i dono... I really want to trust you but now its like the wall the "I swear to God's" its like they dont mean anything anymore I really miss the way everything was when you drove my house and begged to talk to me on the phone and I would say i have to go and go to sleep but you just keeped begging me to stay on so i did but when i ask you to stay on the phone its like right away NO! and when you used to begg me I told you "you know if i were doing this to you you would just say im hanngin up and not even care" and you said babe i promise i wont do that anymore and i really belived you because I'm so inlove with you...and that one friday that i had a game at the O.V you said PLEASE awnser your phone because im gaunna be on break so ill call you and it was the cutist thing because i was sitting in the hall way talkin to you and you were just being the sweist guy and thats the guy I love but its like I have all the sympathy for you when we were in reverse but when it comes to me you could care less and just think about how you feel about it and not really care even though I cared for you that time it just sucks i guess but no matter how many arguments we get into I still wanna be with you Its just an argument and everyone has them .... I'm so stressed and I got this trip im going to on sunday to detriot for a concert its gunna be sweet but I dono if i can leave knowing nothing... OH and teasly what really bothers me is that you ask everyone of my friends like stef harp and others unmention saying "Yeah Alyssia hates me and i Dont even know why?" that is the dumpist question you could ever ask your stupid its like you a girl and i feel like he's cheatin on me but with YOU TEASLY its the weirdist thing... you make him lie which jsut pisses me off oh by the way ROT IN HELL! thanks 2 comments|post comment

[01 Apr 2006|08:49pm] [ mood | sick ] its our 11 months !!!! <3 you babe Yesterday I suprized my babe and walked to his house at 10 in the after noon with out him knowing it was pretty cute because he didnt even take a shower yet his hair was all over but it was cute post comment

oh no [30 Mar 2006|09:19pm] [ mood | sad ] Ever feel like your life is gunna crash well im at that point I made the biggest mistake of my life all out of anger it was just one of thouse times where you do something stupid because you were just so frustreated and scared well now i fee like my whole world is gone and i've screwed it all up i really wish i could rewind today i really do i would sell my soul to the devil if i could only go back in time... i dont know what ill do if this doesnt work out... post comment

[19 Mar 2006|09:17pm] [ mood | sleepy ] I dont do anything right anymore... no matter how hard i try its just not enough to make you happy... im always getting blamed for it and its really starting to piss me off.. im not gunna let my self be like i was .. if we end up not being with eachother i want to be friends but you dont wanna do that and i cant just cut you out of my life like that because you mean everything to me... somehow i think this is gunna be an ugly road to go down and its gunna take everything out of us... your always yelling at me and i end up crying yesterday i will never forget it was the first time you told me to "SHUT UP" you were done talking and not listening to me so it was my turn... I reammber like 5 months ago when we got into a lil fight and you turned up the music i was like why dont you just tell me to shut up then and you said because i dont say that to you... what happened to us were fallin apart and i cant stand to see this happen because i love you so much and we spend more time fighting then being togeather and that tears me in to pieces when you deleted your lj that just made me more pissed lik eyou dont even care to keep a journal with me... sometimes i feel like i cant tell you anything becuase you'll get mad at me and another fight happens ... what happened to when we used to laugh what happend... thats what makes me cry at night bcause i wanna fix it so bad but i know theirs nothing i can do to make it better bettween us im jsut scared if you screw up eveything is gunna fall.. it just scares me because we are totally going on diffrent paths and the ends never meet up ... and the summers comeing and i dont know what we will do ... its all up to you post comment

[03 Mar 2006|11:17pm] [ mood | angry ] my heart gets broken but oh well life goes on theirs always gunna be that one girl you boyfriend is gunna like and you will never meet up too what am i doing i know this is wrong i know i shouldnt be doing this im not God i dont give chances over and over im dumb yes i know this but i love him with all my heart but soon i wont even have a heart to be able to love anymore 1 comment|post comment

I just wanna be your girlfriend [18 Feb 2006|11:44am] yeah well lifes not goin good anymore... you know my parents drink all the time and I never want my "future" kids to be around that and all I ask is not to drink but next think I do its on your lj saying yea "sometimes" you promised me you never would and I promised you i would never smoke its not that hard and I just dont understand why you cant understand that it hurts. I dont feel good anymore i go on you myspace and you say you have hooked up with more than 2 people at once what does that saposed to mean you used to say im beautiful and gorgeouse but you dont say that anymore and you know what i dont feel it anymore I hate holding all these things in but i have to so we dont fight i feel like you just want me on the sidelines while you serch for something new.... I dont feel like im worth anything ... what happened to us laughing all the time... and expecailly you know i need you the most now and its like you dont wanna hear it.. I dont know what to do ... oh yea my bdays tomarro and i think its gunna suck and If my plan does work for tomarrow I'm not sure he's even gunna wanna go... :'( I just wanna be your girlfriend not your mistress but I love you with all my hart weather you want to believe it or not. 1 comment|post comment

[16 Jan 2006|10:01pm] [ mood | worried ] yea im a bitch I am so fustrated with everything!!!! for some reason i got pissed just this second. NO im not the blonde NO im not the pretty one NO im not the skinny one! I'm not perfect! Im just a full blooded mexican teen girl with dark hair and a chubby body what am I saposed to do! I've tried being that girl that everyone wants to love I'm trying te be myself but with all of this I can't get her out I cant find her I'm to busy trying to be what everyone wants me to be! Pick just pick! Yes I do wanna help yes I do wanna be everything but i'm just gunna break down in the process... I'm not okay living here I'm not okay with being this person... I'm not okay with this little ugly town... I'm not gunna stay here I dont belong here and I dont fit in... I dont know how to fix it and I can't I really wish I could. you know how you read thoughs poems about the little girl was just in her room crawled up in a ball crying because she's all alone thats EXACTLY how I am. shes so busy with everyone else she compleatly lost her self in the process.like I said no im not the blonde one... no im not the pretty one... no im not the skinny one... and yes I am jeliouse because I know its not the same look... What doesn't kill me will just make me stronger... or maybe just kill me slowly in the process? maybe not pysicly but emotionaly. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Jan 2006|09:55pm] [ mood | disappointed ] well today we had a game we won hell yeah!!! Heather thanks for talking to me today we havent actually talked like that in a long time and for some reason when you told me some of that stuff I sorta beleived it it made me feel really good thanks for being theirgirl... and lauren girl your always their for me mua jayne girl can't wait ta hang out tomaro!!! 2 comments|post comment

[05 Jan 2006|06:13pm] [ mood | out wth the old in wth the new ] ick!!! do you ever feel like your not good enough it like sucks! Like your the old girl and your just to have fun with ya know it sucks... and once again i have let my self overflow with feelings that i shouldnt care I'm like so sad i cant eat ya ever get like that i was gunna eat but then my stomic just felt like it was gunna hurl... Im gunna go running with lauren if shell go with me!!! post comment

[04 Jan 2006|07:40pm] [ mood | blank ] Wellllll.... things are just all over the place... what can ya do though... My bday is coming up hehehhehehehhe im so happy feb 19!~~!!!~~ yeah... I'm glade to finnaly be back to cheerleading its sad to say lol. My life is so scribbably but why would you want a life that is like a stright line though... for once i really dont feel anything sad scared happy mad im just okay that feelin is pretty cool hehehe... <3 post comment

[02 Jan 2006|12:18pm] [ mood | calm ] well it might be sad... but it's a new beggining post comment

things happen [01 Jan 2006|05:14pm] [ mood | numb ] REMEMBER WHEN YOUR UP ITS NEVER AS GOOD AS IT SEEMS AND WHEN YOUR DOWN YOU NEVER THINK YOULL GET UP AGAIN BUT LIFE GOES ON. someone gave that to me but I wont say who and it is true... you put yourself in the things you go through its all up to you to make them better or make them worse... you say why not just ignore it all ... i wish I could... I remmber feeling like this last year almost the same time but you know what hurts is when the one you love can stright lie to your face... thats what hurts the most...I've lost my family I've lost most of my friends but most of all i've lost my self...I've forogtten who i was ... I forgot the people who used to make me smile and laugh all the time... i'm sapposed to have surgury tomarrow but you know what i think i would rather die then to save my self so my mom doesnt care my dad dosent care so why should i... I'm all bnroken and full of tears that im gunna hold in... I am the sidelines and that will never change... I'm not pretty or skinny im just plan ole me ... so im just gunna go about my day and lay in bed and not get up till i have to go to school because i just dont care... I prayed that this year would be better but i know it wont I thought new years eve was for you to be with the person you love but hey what can you do. i spent it all by my self oh well. so much for being an 8 month ............. 2 comments|post comment

[01 Jan 2006|04:13pm] [ mood | frustrated ] well I have to go to the doctors again because I passed out but i dont even care anymore so much crap is happining oh well... 8 months today!!! <3 you babe miss you post comment

[29 Dec 2005|12:01am] well i went to the doctores again and I have to have serguery becfause my blood is thining out YOu know how you love someone so much and you cant live without them but sometimes you just need to know that its not going to change its always going to be that way I'm so scared and I dont know what to do. what do you do when that person just isnt their when your the most scared... I sit here Lied in my tears hoping for someone to confortme but noones their and their never is jsut alone wondering If your still going to be here the next day But your all alone noone cares so why should you your on your own and noone but none will ever be their for you I dont know what to do I'm so scared and the person I need most isnt their for me... 2 comments|post comment

[28 Dec 2005|06:01pm] [ mood | scared ] well i was gunna get a myspace but i cant work it... Well I have been having stomic problems so I had to go to the doctor today and he said my stomic is swollen and my blood has something wrong with it... I have to go get blood taken again tomarro and I had a shot today and it hurt... Today has just been awfull. I hope I'm not as sick as the doctor said I was... post comment

[25 Dec 2005|11:13pm] umm i'm not doing this lj thing anymore so you cant delete me. post comment

Christmas [25 Dec 2005|10:09pm] [ mood | lonely ] well i got lots of cloths that I love!!! and I got an mp3 player and I broke it lol I cant have nice things my mom said because i'll break it lol... So were gunna exchange it tomarro yupo ... I am so bored and so lonley I just feel like things have change. I want everything to be the way it was... and you know what i hate is when people tell you how you feel when it's no where near that. but yeah christmas with my fam was a blast expecailly with my nefure because this ishis first christmas he is such a cutie I took care of him all day while every one was playing games I just love him so much I want one well not now but you know what I mean... he's so adorable!!!! and Lauren even knows! And my sister and mom got in a HUGE argument over babysiting my sister lisa it was hilariouse they were screaming their lungs but you know what it's not christmas at my house till someone starts arguing! Well Merry christmas everyone and Happy New YEAR! post comment

[21 Dec 2005|10:16pm] [ mood | lonely ] Well it's christmas break and I hate it becuase I miss my babe thanks for the message on my cell phone I loved it... You know it is true you never know how much you love someone till its gone... well hes not exactly gone we just cant see eachother but you know what i mean its break and its only been like 10 hours and I already miss him... I love you! post comment

[16 Dec 2005|01:26pm] [ mood | sad ] I hope Teasly dosen't get better because then he will have to go to school and annoy me... ICK... post comment

[11 Dec 2005|03:09pm] [ mood | pissed off ] shit is so unfair it's like a double standard it's bullshit!... 5 comments|post comment

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